Perfect Children

Eric and I have a million reasons to believe that we have the best children that ever were. We always have said we wanted to have great kids because of us, not despite us. But the more I am around them and get to know them and learn from them, they came here perfect (perhaps because of a blessing my great-grandmother received from David McCay about her posterity). When the spirit fills our home and our heart with love, there isn't a need for discipline or mentoring. And I wonder how often I actually just get in the way. I've noticed lately I'm holding on too tightly. . . . Back off and have more faith in my children. That when the spirit and love are present, they are the most perfect children I've ever known. Not because of anything I am doing, but perhaps just because I'm striving to have the spirit here and love in our hearts. Just because they are God's children.

A few things I Love

Cries. Is it crazy to say that I love to hear Adam and Isaac cry? They do it so little, yet have cried more than any of our other children just because there is only one of me and four of them now. I know you can't hear these cries through the pictures, but they show how different each of their cries are. Isaac, my little man, has this loud, adult like yell--as shown in the picture. Adam has this quintessential baby cry--just like his face shows. They make me laugh each time I hear them--well, most of the time.



Hands. Adam and Isaac are always holding hands or locking arms. It is the cutest thing. They do it while they play in their crib, nurse, and take baths.

Mama Josie and Papa Joshua. Soon after Adam and Isaac were born, I was tucking in Josie for the night and she whispered, "When I'm a Mama, I'm going to nurse and hold my babies all day." Later on, Eric was explaining that the best part about being a Papa is that you get to have lots of babies. Joshua asked what he'll get to do as a Papa, and Eric responded, "When you are a Papa you get to stay up as late as you want and watch whatever you want on the T.V." Joshua responded in a sort of shocked, surprised way, "Really?!" Thankfully Eric's "whatever" shows are very mild. But in all honesty, I had no idea how amazing my two oldest children were until we had twins. Josie jumps at the opportunity to hold, bath, and dress them--all by herself! Joshua is just as amazing as he runs immediately when they cry and sings to them softy and kisses them all over.

Josie's smile. Everyone can tell she is six years old just by looking at that beautiful smile--a combination of adult and baby teeth all mixed in one perfect little mouth.

Joshua's giving heart. This boy amazing me with his ability to give. He always shares over half of his treat or candy with everyone else, and cries if he accidentally eats the piece he saved for Papa. Last month I was having a sad day (after having a week with only two hours of sleep a night). He saw me crying and came up and gave me his blanket. He told me I could have it forever. I kept trying to give it back to him during the week, but he insisted that it was mine now. I was sad that he had grown up and let go of such a special object. So now I sleep with his blanket under my pillow, just to remind myself that I need to be as giving as him.

Adam and Isaac's fingers. Last month they discovered that they are sure a great substitute for a pacifier when mom doesn't come running. Isaac enjoys his first two while Adam prefers his thumb.

Superheros. A couple of weeks ago we had fun making masks. Joshua loved the superhero one and wore it the whole day, even at preschool. Later on we made masks for Adam and Isaac. They sure know how to fly through the air. And that Super Boy Joshua is as fast as light--literally!

Josie's school. Or maybe I should say our neighborhood. I can't imagine a better place for her to be (other than home of course). As scary as it can be to drop your child off for several hours a day, I feel comfortable here because of this community of families which we have grown to love over the past few years. They are really great families and they inspire me to do better and be better. I know Josie's life will be blessed with their interaction as they will be blessed by her.

A perfect husband. Besides his amazing looks and perfect body, Eric is the best person I've ever met. I mean really, how many husbands would turn vegan overnight at the drop of a hat? How many husbands would forgive you time and time again for shrinking all his favorite clothes? And forgive you for all the foot rubs you never give? Probably the best thing about Eric is that he sees things so clearly. I am enlightened every night as we read the scriptures together, I feel humbled to see how well he teaches, and he reminds how blessed we are to have such amazing children. His ability to father them blows me away. And his ability to see and patiently wait for me to become the person I need to become makes me cry. I love knowing I get to be with him forever.

Sprouts. We've been addicted to eating sprouts lately. Adjusting to Winter produce was a shock on our systems after eating mostly raw foods the whole Summer, but we have all discovered that we love mung bean sprouts and alfalfa sprouts. Joshua makes sprout sandwiches and says, "MMMMM, this is sooo good!" Josie likes eating them directly out of the bowl (without hands or any utensils) and says, "Do cows eat like this?" So yeah for sprouts! Now we can survive the winter and wait in anticipation for the Summer produce to kick in.

Magic Tree house Books. Josie and Joshua love these books. They get so animated as we read to them about Jack and Annie's adventures. Joshua frequently covers his eyes during the scary parts (although there is no picture for his eyes to hide from). He also jumps up and very dramatically explains what he would do if he was in the story or what will happen next. A very fun way to end the day. Joshua really likes the Ninja story. For days he has been wearing all black, and when Josie is at school, I get dressed in black and become the Ninja master. We practice our ninja moves downstairs. I love the way his little body moves.

Book of Mormon Time. Right before we all leave for school we share a story from the Book of Mormon. Josie and Joshua have amazing memories and remember so many details of all these stories. The best part is that we get to be that character for the day. We try to act like Nephi by praying for strength to break the bands that tied him, or turn our fear to faith like the brother of Jared. During dinner we share examples of how we acted like them during the day. For example, Joshua one day was like Nephi when Josie left her sled at the bottom of the hill. She was tired, it was time to go home and she insisted she couldn't get it. After all this murmuring and murmuring about getting her sled, Joshua went back down the hill and got it for her without complaining. That's my boy!

Pizza Popcorn night. Fridays are a day we all look forward too. We usually like to watch Mary Poppins or The Sound of Music. Eric sometimes has a hard time turning off his teacher hat. He takes every opportunity to teach. Like when Joshua asked what Nuns were (after seeing them in the Sound of Music). Eric responded that Nuns are great people. And to finalize the lesson learned, "If you get an opportunity to meet a Nun, Joshua, take it!"

Game night. We bought several games with some Christmas money and so we have a day a week we play one. The children haven't wanted to branch off from Candy Land. Joshua loves this game! Perhaps it is because Josie and Joshua miraculously make it to the Candy Kingdom together every time. We also play hide-n-seek in the dark. Every light is turned off and Joshua and Josie huddle together with a flash light and wait for us to jump out at them. It is really a lot of fun. Josie gets so scared and usually pushed Joshua to go into the closets and rooms first. He is such a brave boy protecting his sister!

Fire night. Saturday nights are our fire nights. Eric makes this amazing fire that is so hot, the children strip down to their skimpies and still sweat in the middle of winter. I learned fast that Eric doesn't like fire night without marshmallows to roast. It is a great night, running around naked and eating lots of roasted marshmallows.

We're Back!

So nearly four months later, I'm finally getting over my fear, and posting my first entry. I felt a little intimidated following Eric's amazing posts. So here I go. . .

In an effort to slow time a little, and to remember how much I love being Eric's wife and a mother to our amazing children, I've decided to start documenting it.

Josie started first grade last week. After a year of homeschooling, it was time. So with this change came a whirlwind of emotions that I still am dealing with. Where did the last six years of her life go? All the sudden, she's six and gone most of the day. And with that I start to wonder if I hugged and kissed her enough, told her I loved her enough, or laughed with her enough. I know there were far too many days I didn't.

I came across this quote a few weeks ago that I keep thinking about over and over. Maybe if I think about it enough, I'll start to get it and live it.

"The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I didn't live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." (On Being a Mom by Anna Quindlen)

Before I know it, I'll blink and Josie will be in High School, going to seminary, young womens, dating, spending even less time at home than now. I'll blink again and she'll be at college, going on a mission or getting married. I'll blink and all my children will be grown.

Yesterday I slept in. I had wanted to wake up at 4:30 am to get all the grocery shopping in and food put away before the children woke up. It seems much easier to do that than to haul all four of them to two stores to pick up a weeks worth of groceries. But I didn't wake up early. Instead I stayed in bed and cuddled with Eric till 7 while Josie and Joshua played at the Lego table (our dining table). So after breakfast I started to dread the task in front of me. A little comment from Eric helped me remember that our children are great. They are so helpful and listen so well that shopping with them is actually fun. So off we were, with two babies in a sling and two happy siblings.

An hour an a half later we were at the second store picking up more food. It was there I kept running into a younger version of myself in the aisles. A mother with a toddler and a month old baby. Here she was, with a grumpy 2 year old and holding a crying baby as she tried to maneuver shopping cart full of diapers and wipes. My mind flashed to 4 1/2 years ago. Josie was 2 and Joshua 3 weeks old. Joshua had thrush and we needed to pick up some medicine and food at the store. Eric was at parent-teacher conferences most that week with our only car so I decided to walk the mile to the store. At the store, I realized that Joshua's dirty diaper had leaked all over both of us, I forgot the wipes, or any change of baby clothes, and Josie was hungry because I forgot the snacks, and Joshua started crying because he was hungry too (he wasn't nursing much because his mouth hurt). By the time I got the prescription filled, I was in tears myself. While rushing home to quickly get everyone cleaned fed and down for naps, Josie tried to escape out of the stroller and I ran over her foot. I gave some really weak sympathy and ran the rest of the way home. Looking back I wish I could do it all over. I wish I would have just sat down somewhere and nursed Joshua despite the fact that I forgot a blanket to cover myself. I wish I would have held and comforted Josie a little longer when I her foot got hurt.

So as I kept seeing this younger version of myself around the store, I somehow wished I could have held her baby for her while she gathered everything she needed, or had an extra sling for her to carry her baby while she pushed her cart, or an extra snack to share with her toddler. I wanted to tell her to cherish every moment she has with her kids, even the stressful shopping trips, because before you know it they'll be gone and you'll be shopping by yourself again. And as good as that sometimes sounds, you'll long for the day that they are all with you, with all the tears and poop that comes with it.

Josie one day old. Then six years later.

Joshua one day old and 4 years later.