We're Back!

So nearly four months later, I'm finally getting over my fear, and posting my first entry. I felt a little intimidated following Eric's amazing posts. So here I go. . .

In an effort to slow time a little, and to remember how much I love being Eric's wife and a mother to our amazing children, I've decided to start documenting it.

Josie started first grade last week. After a year of homeschooling, it was time. So with this change came a whirlwind of emotions that I still am dealing with. Where did the last six years of her life go? All the sudden, she's six and gone most of the day. And with that I start to wonder if I hugged and kissed her enough, told her I loved her enough, or laughed with her enough. I know there were far too many days I didn't.

I came across this quote a few weeks ago that I keep thinking about over and over. Maybe if I think about it enough, I'll start to get it and live it.

"The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I didn't live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less." (On Being a Mom by Anna Quindlen)

Before I know it, I'll blink and Josie will be in High School, going to seminary, young womens, dating, spending even less time at home than now. I'll blink again and she'll be at college, going on a mission or getting married. I'll blink and all my children will be grown.

Yesterday I slept in. I had wanted to wake up at 4:30 am to get all the grocery shopping in and food put away before the children woke up. It seems much easier to do that than to haul all four of them to two stores to pick up a weeks worth of groceries. But I didn't wake up early. Instead I stayed in bed and cuddled with Eric till 7 while Josie and Joshua played at the Lego table (our dining table). So after breakfast I started to dread the task in front of me. A little comment from Eric helped me remember that our children are great. They are so helpful and listen so well that shopping with them is actually fun. So off we were, with two babies in a sling and two happy siblings.

An hour an a half later we were at the second store picking up more food. It was there I kept running into a younger version of myself in the aisles. A mother with a toddler and a month old baby. Here she was, with a grumpy 2 year old and holding a crying baby as she tried to maneuver shopping cart full of diapers and wipes. My mind flashed to 4 1/2 years ago. Josie was 2 and Joshua 3 weeks old. Joshua had thrush and we needed to pick up some medicine and food at the store. Eric was at parent-teacher conferences most that week with our only car so I decided to walk the mile to the store. At the store, I realized that Joshua's dirty diaper had leaked all over both of us, I forgot the wipes, or any change of baby clothes, and Josie was hungry because I forgot the snacks, and Joshua started crying because he was hungry too (he wasn't nursing much because his mouth hurt). By the time I got the prescription filled, I was in tears myself. While rushing home to quickly get everyone cleaned fed and down for naps, Josie tried to escape out of the stroller and I ran over her foot. I gave some really weak sympathy and ran the rest of the way home. Looking back I wish I could do it all over. I wish I would have just sat down somewhere and nursed Joshua despite the fact that I forgot a blanket to cover myself. I wish I would have held and comforted Josie a little longer when I her foot got hurt.

So as I kept seeing this younger version of myself around the store, I somehow wished I could have held her baby for her while she gathered everything she needed, or had an extra sling for her to carry her baby while she pushed her cart, or an extra snack to share with her toddler. I wanted to tell her to cherish every moment she has with her kids, even the stressful shopping trips, because before you know it they'll be gone and you'll be shopping by yourself again. And as good as that sometimes sounds, you'll long for the day that they are all with you, with all the tears and poop that comes with it.

Josie one day old. Then six years later.

Joshua one day old and 4 years later.